Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
