Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're like the curious george of whores
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
