Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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