the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize