I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
