His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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