I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
