the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
