Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
