i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
