honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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