a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
