so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
