i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
