Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize