How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
