MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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