I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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