What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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