I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
