I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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