so explain again why im purple
no
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize