1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
