idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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