Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize