No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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