I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
