I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
