I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
