i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
