Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
