every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
