i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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