Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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