i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
