Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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