"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize