If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
