Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize