There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
