wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
