woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
