Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize