am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
