This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
