You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
