Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
