Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize