Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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