theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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