my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
