The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she told me i tasted like america
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
