Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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