I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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