Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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