What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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