omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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