Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
