how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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