it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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