I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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