so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
