just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I just put wine in my tea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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