Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize