a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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