Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
