:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
