You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
