1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
