When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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