why didn't you poke me back
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
