I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
