So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
