She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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