Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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