ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do vagina's smell?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
try to milk me bitch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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