he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
