no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
