I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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