Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize