Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize