I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
