got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize