dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
