I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
