I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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