tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
worst night to have a conscience
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Randomize
