Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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