Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
