Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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