she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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