well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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