I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
