Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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