Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
