K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize