I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
