K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
