Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize